She stormed out of the apartment slamming the door as hard as she could, “Fuck you!” She ran to her car and stuck the key in the ignition. Alicia Keys’ voice fired through her stereo, ‘If you ask me I’m ready’, one of her favorite jams, however, tonight she was pissed. This nigga had pushed her button. She was tired of this shit. Every time she turned around, there he was hollering, complaining about the same o’l shit. Sabrina’s cousin moved into her apartment exactly a year and four months ago. His wife divorced him and he gave her everything, which wasn't much. They rented a two-bedroom house in Long Beach, had two children Lia and Trevor, and a cat. Anthony had nowhere else to stay. Well, nowhere else he wanted to stay. Anthony and Sabrina were best cousins since she came out of her mothers’ womb. Anthony at 12 began babysitting Sabrina when she turned a year old. Once their age gap became a non-issue in 1997 during her high school graduation from L.A. High, the relationship turned into a secret sharing, bestie type of thing. Sabrina was accepted into UCLA to study business management, graduated and earned a lucrative position running small restaurant on the boardwalk of Venice Beach. But tonight she hoped her drive at 12:23am on this Saturday night would calm her nerves and emotions enough to rebuild that bond they once had. Twenty minutes into her drive her phone signaled a text message from Anthony. It read, “You’ve been my baby since you were born. I appreciate you putting my name on the lease and all but the problem I have with you is your disrespect for my personal space. I am a grown ass man going through what you may never understand. I practically raised you myself and I feel like I failed. If it weren’t for me you would be a broke down cotton-picking whore out here in these streets. All those times I saved you from disaster, you would think my presence here would be a little more appreciated. But I understand you are a growing girl and sometimes girls say things they don't mean. So when you get back you can clean up the broken glass that is shattered all over the kitchen floor when you threw that vase at me.” Upon finishing the text Sabrina wanted so badly to write him a ‘let me tell you something’ reply. She chose instead to wait it out before her anger got the best of her. Sabrina parked her car in an empty parking lot just from the sand leading to the water. Her angry foot, pressed down on the petal led her back to the beach. It’s always been one of her favorite run-away’s. Black outside. When she stepped out of her car she walked to her trunk and pulled out the pink handled pocketknife she bought from a gun show years ago. She stashed it in her sweater pocket and kept both hands in them for the midnight air was freezing. Sabrina laced up her tennis shoes and began jogging on the Boardwalk passing her restaurant. There she let her aggression out. It was no time to think of the stressful hand she was dealt. Free. She freed her mind with every step. Every time she felt the pavement through her purple running shoes the words, “don't stop” etched a groove on her brain. “Don't stop. Don't stop”. Free. Her mind was free. Her breath became deep and the sweat began to fall. Clean. She felt fresh. Her body was being re-energized. She turned her head to the right glancing at the dark water, the shinning half moon in the star-lit sky and stopped. Heart pounding, chest rising and falling to the beat of the wind. And it suddenly picked up twisting and turning in each and every direction. The stars flickered and her feet would not move. Heavy they were in her shoes. Stones. There was nothing she could do except cry. Trying not to wail, the tears joined her sweat. Another cleansing began. Sabrina herself had been through much, two abortions, three miscarriages, recent deaths of her brother and mother, stress from work and an incompatible living situation. She could no longer hold her wailing in. The louder she cried the lighter her feet got. Her body refused to succumb to the cold night. The sweat continued to fall as did her tears. Once she was able to lift her feet from the ground she turned around toward her car. The 3 miles back felt like a breeze only to be rudely interrupted by the parking ticket between her windshield and her wipers. She laid the ticket back in its place after inspecting it and opened the car door. What cop or parking enforcement was around to ticket her for parking in a handicap space this time of night? She thought. Realizing the exhaustion that moved through her soul, there was no more energy left in her. So much so she didn't even want to drive back home to face whatever was there. Inside her humble abode the only place she could truly call her own, Sabrina slid her hand back into her pockets gripping the pocketknife and fell asleep. “Feeling like you're gonna fall off a cliff. That no one has your best interest in mind. Doing everything alone. That cliff. Yeah I know that feeling. You have to ignore it if you want to move on because you have to realize God has your back. You can’t go on complaining about what someone hasn't done for you or how reality loves to bite you in the ass. Pushing on through is what I do best and the problem you have with me, you’re just going to have to bite that shit. I’m not changing. Guess what! I have my own share of problems and the fact that I USED to come to you with them should let you know how I DID appreciate you and all you’ve done for me. Now what I don't appreciate from you is how you talk to me. I am no longer a child. News flash! I am a very grown woman who you are very much leaning on right now. I’d kindly advise you to stop bringing up the past because your unforgiving tone of immaturity is quite transparent through your failed attempts of insulting me.” was the text she finally sent back the next morning when she awoke. 2 The apartment reeked of a silent cold war for several days. Both parties trying desperately not to be the one to destroy the world. If Sabrina did not let Anthony sign the two-year lease she’d have told him to leave and pack his shit when she first saw him pleasing another man. Homosexuality was absolutely unacceptable. She could find no reason to accept that lifestyle as one worth living and everyone Anthony knew felt the same way. Even with the advances made by the LGBT community. Anthony tried hiding his desires but couldn’t hold out on them when he met Jason. Jason worked at the Y.M.C.A. and used to chat with Shelby, Anthonys’ wife, about the latest diet trends and new workout DVD’s. Jason who is openly gay admitted that his ‘gay-dar’ needed a tune up just after his and Anthonys first encounter. Their affair went on for 6 months and intruded on his seven-year marriage with Shelby. They still saw each other quietly. Jason however, threatened to leave the relationship if he couldn't have it outside of someones four walls. Its what initiated the cold war in Sabrinas’ apartment. ************************************************************************************ Anthony just arrived to the apartment from Denny’s with Jason. Their first outing together. Jason knew Anthony would be uptight in public. As sensitive as Jason was, he couldn't stand the distance Anthony put between them. After all they’ve been through together he took it as a major insult, so he told him that he would no longer see him. Jason stormed out of the restaurant without making a scene. Anthony though, made a scene when he stepped that foot into the kitchen where Sabrina stood over the sink washing dishes. Needing to tell someone about his soon to be love lost, he jumped out on faith hoping his little cousin would understand. “Hey Bri, What’s going on? I just wanted to chat a little.” “No problem, what’s on your mind?” “I just went out with a friend and I need some advice because I’m feeling a little off. It’s like I wish I could find someone who would not only listen to me but truly understand what I say and where I’m coming from…” He paused trying to find the perfect words to describe his emotions, “because sometimes…well pretty much every time I try to talk to people they have no idea what I feel, don’t care, or are just completely judgmental. I often wonder why I just cant be okay with myself, you know, in order to get out of this… depression. And when I open my eyes”, he paused again looking for the perfect words, “I see people expecting things that aren’t apart of my true self. And I die because of it. I know it might sound crazy little cousin, but…” Sabrina looked at Anthony puzzled and bewildered trying to figure out where all this was coming from. The night she saw him and Jason together was consciously erased from her mind, so this was completely coming from left field. But her ears were wide open. “The pressure to build on something that isn’t there is impossible. I’ve tried to teach myself to love women but my mind wants a man. I can’t explain it Sabrina. I hate myself for saying this and I know it is causing pain to a lot of people but I am in love with Jason. I want to marry him.” His eyes swollen, the salty liquid that filled his eye sockets refused to fall down his face for he was deathly afraid of Sabrinas response. He crossed his arms and leaned heavily against the stove. Silence was the only reply. He was unsure on how to read her face. Was she going to open up and accept him as he lay himself flat on the ground? Was she going to pretend he said nothing, or was she going to act a complete fool and let his nightmare become his reality? Sabrina finished rinsing the few dishes she soaped up before his foot entered the room, and turned her body to face him. “I am sorry that you feel you can’t be yourself, but you have a wife and two kids. What you need to do is go back to your family and quit bitching around. Now you know all this gay shit aint gonna fly, you see where it has put you thus far.” Her voice rising for the occasion and every word attached to a sour cocktail of disgust and disbelief. She continued, “Be a man and stop playing booty catcher! Go get your wife. That is enough of this silly conversation. Only a few minutes later the blue vase was thrown from the coffee table to the kitchen floor, just missing Anthonys’ left shoulder.

hello how are you?